First Person: Living alone has shown me silence has its own rhythm

The first time I closed the door to my new place on Sept. 3, the silence felt heavier than I expected. No sounds of family in the background, no roommates rustling about. Just me.

Standing in the middle of my small living room in a studio apartment in Ottawa west, I looked around at the space and realized that everything here was now my responsibility. If the dishes piled up, that was on me. If something broke, it was my problem to fix. It was strange, but it was also thrilling—a sort of test to see how well I could manage being on my own.

Living alone for the first time was exciting but intimidating in a way I hadn’t fully prepared for.

I come from a large family in India, where many extended family members live together. I have always lived in a big house surrounded by people. In fact, I’ve always shared a room with my younger sister and my mom. I had never spent a night alone before.

When I moved to Canada back in January of this year, I hadn’t thought I would live alone. I moved into my first apartment where I had roommates. It felt strange to live with strangers, but I was happy and relieved that I had people around me.

Moving into a studio apartment and living alone after eight months in a new country wasn’t the plan. My mother got her visitor visa, and we had arranged for her to stay with me for two months, so I signed a lease for a new place. But a day before her flight, something happened, plans changed and she couldn’t come and that’s how I ended up living alone.

The first night, I was hyper-aware of every sound. The hum of the refrigerator seemed louder than I’d ever noticed before. I swore I heard the creak of footsteps in the hallway. I didn’t sleep much, not out of fear but because the quiet felt so unfamiliar.

But as the days went on, I started to settle into the rhythm of it. I got to choose when I ate, how I organized my things and what music played while I cooked. There was a kind of freedom in it. I realized I could make mistakes and learn without anyone watching. It was just me, figuring it out as I went.

“There was nobody waking you up,” said Neha Chaurasia, my aunt and someone who has lived alone for almost 10 years. “And you become responsible for your life for the very first time.”

But living solo comes with some challenges too, she says.

“Initially, you feel excited because it’s a new world that you are seeing,” she said. “Then sometimes you don’t realize, but the moment you fall sick, even if you have a little bit of cold and fever, that is the time you start missing people the most.”

Chaurasia says solitude can have a way of shaping you.

“Being alone makes you more disciplined, makes you more accountable,” she said.

Her words resonated with me, as I found myself in a similar situation, taking on the full responsibility for my life for the first time.

One night, after a long day of classes and work, I curled up on the couch with a blanket and some tea. For the first time, the quiet didn’t feel lonely. It felt peaceful. I wasn’t missing anyone or anything; I was just enjoying my own company.

Living alone is not always easy, and there are moments when I wish someone were there to share the space with me. But there’s also a deep pride in knowing I’m doing this on my own.

This little place is mine, and for now, that’s more than enough.