It’s something all of us do. There’s even a children’s book written on the topic: Taro Gomi’s Everyone Poops.

All of us are private about our bathroom habits, and rightly so. It’s the reason we have locks on bathroom doors. Nobody likes having a neighbour nearby when they’re doing their doodie.

And so, with this in mind, I decided to find out which washroom on campus is the most private – the number one washroom for going number two.

I’m not the first one to think about this topic. George Costanza of Seinfeld-fame could rhyme off the all the most private public washrooms in New York City.

Let me also state, for the record, that I did not get a chance to “test” each washroom on campus – I’m only one man. So I took the advice of others and checked out their recommendations for myself.

I began my search in the ACCE building. Rumours have been swirling that there are some fairly quiet washrooms on the upper floors. Sure enough, there were some dandies. Most notably was the one on the fifth floor. The ACCE is a fairly new building, which means the facilities are top notch.

A helpful hint for those looking for their own private place: take a look at the floors. If they look clean, it usually means the washroom receives little foot traffic.

As I moved eastward on campus no washrooms were catching my eye. Washrooms in B and C buildings both appear to have a healthy number of visitors.

I looked around A and H-buildings and didn’t find anything promising there either.

I was starting to feel disappointed at the lack of secluded loos on campus until I got to J building. I went to the top floor and found a washroom that looked – and smelled – like it hadn’t been visited in years.

But the winning washroom shattered my expectations. I told myself no lobbies, they tend to be busy places.

However, in the Student Commons – of all places – there is a nice, new and private washroom.

I guess sometimes, the best places are right under, ahem, your nose.

Keep in mind that this list is not official and should not be taken as gospel. So grab your copy of the Algonquin Times and get out there and explore!